Parenting a Traveler

Another Departure

Today is my firstborn daughter’s 25^th birthday, and my three kids are on three continents – and not for the first time. The eldest has lived in eight different countries for periods ranging from a few weeks to many years, and she has lived in five of those countries without us.

This is the third and last in a parenting series that included parenting designers and singers. Add a world traveler, and you have a road show!

Parenting a traveler can be both thrilling and uncomfortable. It will inspire you and force you to trust and let go. Do you suspect that you might be raising a traveler? Read on!

It started with books. The seeds of wanderlust may be sown long before your future traveler can strike out on her own. In our case, it started with stories. We read about all sorts of people (and creatures) in all kinds of places. That lit a spark.

Get out of the house. You don’t have to be international jet setters to expand your horizons. Sometimes you need to just get out of the house and explore in your own backyard. Try an ethnic restaurant or visit a cultural festival. If you feel like staying home, try some international recipes, watch movies or celebrate a holiday from another culture. The world is everything around you and travel can start close to home.

Move beyond your limits. As your young traveler grows, she will push limits and seek out opportunities. Guide and protect if appropriate, but don’t let your own fear limit your child’s exploration. When she calls you to tell you she just won an exchange trip to France – at age 14 – cheer! And when she goes to college more than 1000 miles away or studies abroad, smile, encourage – and get a Skype account. Resist the urge to resist, stand up to your fear and learn to let go. You may even grow in the process.

Invest in good luggage. When you see that there’s no holding your traveler back, show your support and invest in some decent bags. Test the zippers and handles, and look for spinners that can withstand cobblestones or gravel roads. You know this is no short-term phase and it’s more than a bag. It’s home.

Don’t know much about geography. Quick – do you know what U.A.E. stands for? Can you spot The Netherlands on a map? If you don’t want to feel completely ignorant and inadequate in comparison to your offspring, it’s time to brush up on your geography. If you don’t, you’ll often find yourself “educated.”  Maps make lovely décor, National Geographics go for a quarter at the library sale and travel websites abound. When your traveler is off to exotic places, you may find yourself paying more attention to current events. Learn, be aware – it’s never too late.

Keep calm and let it be. When kids venture out into the world, they will face challenges. Things will go wrong. Kids will make mistakes. Things won’t be like they are at home. That’s the point! Now is the time to develop your listening skills and be supportive. It may be tough when the political climate is unstable and she reassures you that she’s avoiding the protests and teargas. Raising a traveler can be exhilarating. I never said it would be easy.

Goethe said, “There are two things children should get from their parents: roots and wings.” When you are parenting a traveler, you’ll both be at your best when you trust the roots are strong and let them fly.

 

Parenting a Singer

 

Photo Courtesy of Ibiza

I recently wrote a post about parenting a designer, and in the interest of harmony, love and equality this will be a 3-part series. Yes, I’ll admit that I religiously counted the Teddy Grahams to make sure that each daughter had exactly the same number.

Parenting a singer is a joy, and will move you in ways that you never expected.

It may show up early.  You may suspect you have a singer on your hands when other toddlers are struggling to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” at play group and your budding diva regularly entertains you with a repertoire of show tunes. She may not have perfect pitch at age 3, but then again – maybe she does. Some kids seem to be born with the gift of song. With encouragement and support, you and your singer can develop and enjoy this gift for a lifetime.

All the world’s a stage.  Your little singer may or may not be a performer. Most likely, though, they can’t help humming or bursting into song. It just happens. Don’t be surprised when they belt out favorite movie theme songs at the library or just perform regularly at the dinner table. Bath time is another favorite time for singing and you’ll always know when your singer is in the shower (from anywhere in the house). There must be some primal connection between water and vocal chords. Be an appreciative audience and store up these memories. Someday you’ll miss their daily performances.

A song for all occasions.  As your singer grows, they may discover that any situation can be turned into a song. They may not remember later on, but singing to your baby will get things started. Cookies in the oven and timer going crazy becomes “I’m gonna beep beep beep ‘til you take me out.” A hot summer day with nothing to do but melt inspires a song called “Lemonade.” Then there’s “Fish Boy,” a catchy number about some guy hanging out in front of a seafood restaurant. A song can lighten any situation. Just laugh and sing along.

Prepare to be moved.  My family will tell you that I cry at movies and am a wreck at concerts. My advice? Bring your camera, carry Kleenex and invest in waterproof mascara. Your kindergartener’s premiere at the school talent show may astonish you, and high school choir solos may leave you in tears. Music touches us in an emotional way, and when it’s your kid… good luck keeping emotions in check.

Prepare to be annoyed.  I can guarantee you, with absolute certainty, that sometimes your singer will get on your nerves. On purpose. When she discovers that the song you dislike most in the universe is that beloved theme song from “Barney & Friends” or the 1982 Rocky III anthem, “Eye of the Tiger,” you will hear it 10 times a day for an entire week. Then she’ll get creative and make up new lyrics – and invite her sister to sing along. Music is a beautiful gift from the gods. It can also be used to torment.

Feed the fire.  It may seem obvious, but singers and musicians of all types like music. Encourage curiosity by surrounding your child with music of all styles and genres. Irish whistles, Japanese Taiko drumming, majestic choral concerts, bluegrass, classical jazz and chill out – it’s all good. Attend concerts and performances regularly and try something new.

Your singer may be challenging and changeable at times, but great musicians express emotions and move us in a way that no one else can. Singing is also a gift given freely that will add joy to your life.

Ride the waves, encourage daily practice and most of all, enjoy.

Parenting a Designer

Project Requirements

 

After having a few good laughs and nodding in agreement at the uncanny insight on a blog post called “Dating a designer: 10 things you need to know”, I was inspired.  I haven’t dated a designer (or at least not recently), but I’ve known a few and I’ve raised an aspiring industrial designer to adulthood.  It has been a unique experience – one that I’m sure that other parents can identify with.  So I’ve decided to share a few insights of my own.

You’ll know it when you see it. You’ll know your kid is destined to be an architect or designer when other toddlers are cramming everything into their mouths and your child is building complex structures with wooden blocks.  You’ll know it when they prefer to arrange their food into pleasing patterns to actually eating it.  It will be obvious when you see their first grade drawing of a detailed scene drawn in perfect perspective – and then you see their classmates’ sketches of stick mommies and three-legged cows.  Design thinking may show up early. Recognize it and nurture it.

Trust their judgment.  When your designer child laments that they’re the only one in the family with style, accept reality.  It’s probably true.  Instead of feeling offended, accept constructive criticism and rely on their expert judgment.  My young designer once told me that I needed a signature color.  “I suppose you have one.”  “Of course,” she answered.  “I’ll bet you even know the Pantone code.”  “376. Pea Green.”  She was right.  I needed definition.  I wasn’t able to pin my essence down to a single code, but if you look in my closet you’ll see a range that spans from light aqua to cerulean blue.  I’m not a designer, but my color scheme and confidence have improved.

Gift shopping can be a challenge.  Unlike the blogger who is dating a designer, I wouldn’t say gift shopping is next to impossible.  Or at least not until they get older, tastes are more refined and they’re lusting after a minimalist watch with no numbers.  Let’s just say that you need to be willing to consider unusual presents.  You may even have to visit places like Lowe’s for items such as a Dremel MultiPro kit or drop by Office Max to pick up a 12 pack of Pilot Precise V5 pens.  Their friends will shake their heads and say, “You got a tool kit for your birthday?  That sucks.”  They’ll never understand.

Designers are the new rock stars.  At least to designers.  At her age, I knew the latest hits and was damaging my hearing at stadium concerts.  She works at a fabric store and gets excited when the new collections arrive from her favorite textile artists.  We’re not so different.  Really.

From my experience, parenting a designer is like raising orchids.  It’s not always easy, and they only bloom under the right conditions.  In fact, just read this excerpt about growing orchids and tell me if it doesn’t sound familiar…

“For your best crack at success, start by choosing one of the less fussy varieties that is adapted to the type of growing conditions you can provide.  Buy the most mature plant you can afford (young plants are much more difficult to please)…”

Yes, young designers can be fussy and difficult to please, but they are imaginative thinkers that will help you to see the world in a whole new way.  With the right conditions, plentiful resources, patience and understanding, your young designer will bloom and grow.

So stock up on paper, pens, tools, hardware and art supplies.  Expose your designer to new experiences and inspiration and see what develops.  Most of all – accept, encourage and enjoy.

Return to Lilac Lane

Watkins Scholarship Hall

My past and her future met at the door

Of a house that I left in ’84 and she had never seen.

Helpful hands and smiling faces welcomed us and made us feel

At home.

Familiar columns, desk and stairways, the sleeping porch and kitchens held

Memories of so much laughter, uncertainty, tears, friendship, experiences shared

And the promise of the same and more for her.

We visited each room and then I saw it among the images

Of women stretching back through years and generations.

Posing on the sun porch, familiar faces and some forgotten,

Spirits blessing those here and now

In this grand old house.

Written after dropping my daughter off at college; she lived in the same house I had lived in 30 years before.

Photo courtesy of http://www.kuhistory.com.  Read more about Elizabeth Watkins and Watkins Scholarship Hall here.

Brave

I really want to see the movie Brave.  A typical Disney story about a daring princess, it looks something like “Pocahontas Goes to Scotland” in the IMDB write up:

“Set in Scotland in a rugged and mythical time, “Brave” features Merida, an aspiring archer and impetuous daughter of royalty. Merida makes a reckless choice that unleashes unintended peril and forces her to spring into action to set things right.”

Being a Disney flick, I know it will have superior animation and a stirring soundtrack, but that’s not all that appeals to me.  The story calls to me at a time when I have 3 brave princesses of my own, making choices, taking risks and discovering who they are.  It’s not always easy as they travel to distant countries and face challenges or just have to deal with the overwhelming array of university choices and make a life-shaping decision.  My role tends to be supporter, advisor and coach and those responsibilities come easy when I’m cheering on my daughters.  But there’s the flip side of letting go.  Listening thoughtfully and knowing when NOT to give advice.  Disconnecting and realizing that these young women are becoming independent adults and facing a different world than I did.  Encouraging them to fly but not pushing too hard because of my own longing for adventure.  I’m not always good at the balancing act.

We’re all growing and changing, and we’re all being brave.  Here’s to impetuous women dealing with any kind of peril.  The difficulties shape us and keep us sharp.